


i keep you with me (in my heart)

by eunhaa



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, also love me some soft jisung!!, its a mess but thats just the way stray kids are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 21:53:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17816180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eunhaa/pseuds/eunhaa
Summary: If Jisung’s words about Changbin having a soft spot for him were true, maybe confessing wouldn’t mean the end. Maybe, just maybe, it would be a beginning.





	i keep you with me (in my heart)

“Move your ass.”

Felix doesn’t. He drapes his legs over Changbin’s and gets comfortable. “Say please,” he sighs into the older’s side.

“Move your ass, please,” Changbin tries again and Felix huffs a laugh.

“Nah, I don’t think I will.”

A grunt. A silence that lasts for a few seconds, before an arm slides behind Felix’ nape to hold him more securely. Felix sighs, he feels tired beyond compare. His eyelids feel heavy as lead, his legs numb from all the practice and his brain full of lines it isn’t ready to remember.

Today had been hard. Which is why he couldn’t bother walking all the way back to his room to sleep and took the easier, better alternative than bed - Changbin. He was softer than his bed and much quieter than his roommates.

He was Changbin. He was exactly what Felix always seemed to need.

“You okay?” Changbin asks and Felix opens his eyes. His sight is blurry, but he can make out Changbin’s hand scribbling something on the notebook he has balanced on his stomach. Lyrics, probably. He never stops working, Felix knows this. Knows it better than most, due to him inserting himself into Changbin’s company more often than not.

They’re close, he likes to think.

“Yeah,” his voice is rough. He clears his throat. “Just tired.”

“You should catch some sleep,” Changbin says and pats his shoulder with the hand that’s keeping Felix in his sort of embrace. “I’ll wake you up when I’m gonna go to sleep, so you can get your ass into your own bed. Woojin’s probably wondering where you are by now.”

Woojin isn’t. He knows where Felix spends most of his time these days, and Changbin knows that he knows.

“You should sleep too, Binnie. I know you haven’t been sleeping that well this past month.” Felix yawns. He’s losing the fight.

Changbin turns to look at him. “And who’s fault is that?” He asks, jostling Felix, too deep in slumber to care.

“Shut up, I know you sleep better with me here,” Felix whispers to the sleeve of Changbin’s shirt and regretfully drools a bit. Changbin doesn’t seem to notice, his face unreadable.

“Just go to sleep, I’ll wake you when it’s time,” Changbin commands, so Felix closes his eyes and sleeps.

 

He wakes up a while later, and it’s not to Changbin waking him - it’s to the older softly snoring to his ear. Felix smiles a little to himself, working the notebook from under Changbin’s fingers and looking at the latest open page.

It has song lyrics on the top of the page, the handwriting getting messier by the next line, probably because of sleep having overtaken Changbin earlier. But the word that catches Felix by surprise, is the one at the bottom of the page.

Felix. It’s his name, written in little boxy letters, spelled with carefulness absent from the rest of the words on the page. Felix shifts to look at the peaceful look on Changbin’s face, his mouth a speck open.

A feeling washes over him.

His thoughts stay on the feeling even after he falls asleep again.

 

Felix has mulled over the notebook and his feelings for the better part of the week. The ‘Felix’ on the page has appeared in his mind so much, that the picture of it is printed over every thought in his head. He hasn’t had the nerve to ask Changbin what it meant, nor is he going to. You don’t just go through someone’s things and then ask them about what you found.

Besides, it was probably nothing. Maybe Changbin just thought the lines would fit his voice the best. That must’ve been it.

After that night though, Felix hasn’t been seen plastered next to Changbin as much as usual. He’s kept his distance, probably even too much so, for the fact that Changbin seems to look at him strangely now. Even Jeongin had asked if something had happened between the two of them. If they had fought or not.

But it’s nothing like that though, it’s quite the opposite.

Felix has feelings. Feelings about Changbin. Good feelings, lots of them. And it was getting harder to keep his feelings in check, especially after that. It’s safe to say Felix getting his hopes up wasn’t too far from the truth. Which is why, distance, distance is good. Messy feelings of infatuation for your own group member weren’t on the list of things Felix needed to deal with.  
Which is why he asks Jisung for help.

Okay, true, maybe Jisung isn’t the one he should be asking help from - seeing as the boy is as messy as they come. But he’s also the only one he can really talk to without blowing things out of proportion, which is why he tugs Jisung’s sleeve signaling for him to stay in the practice studio after everyone else has already left.

They’re sitting on the floor, still sweaty from the grueling practice, their faces red and struggling to get their breathing in control.

“So what’s up?” Jisung asks as he starts undoing the laces of his shoes to let his feet breathe.

What could Felix even say? That he’s maybe kind of in love with his fellow group member and best friend? Felix groans inwardly. He definitely didn’t think this through.

“Just...Changbin,” he starts before quieting down.

Jisung looks at him through his lashes. “Just Changbin what? Is this about the fight you two had? You still haven’t talked it through?”

“What fight? What are you talking about?” Felix asks.

“Jeongin said you two fought about something stupid when I asked why you’ve been acting so weird.”

“We didn’t fight, and I told that to Jeongin, but I guess he didn’t even listen then,” Felix explains and snatches the water bottle into his hands. He isn’t thirsty, just...needs something to do with his hands to ease the anxiety that’s building up inside of him.

“Typical,” Jisung answers. “Anyway, what’s wrong then?”

He looks at Felix and Felix feels lost.

“I-, I uh...It’s just that. Maybe-,” Felix scratches his ear.

“Maybe what?”

Felix backtracks to a safer area to talk about. “Has Changbin hyung been okay? Has he said anything about me?”

Jisung laughs. “When hasn’t he? Anyway, he’s been more tired than usual. He’s stayed a couple nights at the studio, but he does that sometimes so I wouldn’t say it’s alarming or anything.”

Felix stays quiet, thinking it over in his head. He wonders if Changbin hasn’t been sleeping well because he hasn’t been there keep him company or because he’s just having a season of insomnia again. He wishes it was because of him. He’s really fucked.

Jisung pokes him. “You okay? Can you tell me what’s this about before I shake it out of you?”

It’s now or never Felix guesses.

“I...Jisung, I like Changbin, but I don't know how to tell him because he might not like me back," he huffs out fast pacedly and risks a look in Jisung’s direction. Jisung blinks, once, twice, three times before offering his ear in Felix’ direction.

“I’m sorry I didn’t quite catch whatever that mess of words was.”

Felix hits Jisung out of habit and tries again. “I think I like Changbin.”

“You like Changbin hyung?” Jisung asks, but his facial expression stays the same.

“Yeah, I like him.”

“Well, that was anticlimactic as fuck. Bro, it was kind of obvious you know?” Jisung smirks and Felix resists the urge to hit him again.

 

“Shut up, it wasn’t!” Felix has to defend his fragile honor.

“It was, but Changbin’s a tool, so I wouldn’t worry about it.”

Felix smiles and Jisung smiles back at him, bumping his shoulder with his fist. “Look, it’s okay, yeah? Changbin isn’t a bad guy, I think you should tell him, get it off your chest.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m just kind of scared it’s gonna get weird between us.”

“I’m sure it’ll be okay, Felix. Besides, you never know. He seems to have a soft spot for you,” Jisung says and starts putting his shoes on again. “I’m also here for you no matter how telling him goes. And if he pulls some stupid shit, which I doubt, I’ll punch him for you.”

Felix can’t help the little laugh that slips past his lips. “Thank you, really.”

“No problem, get his sexy ass!” Jisung yells and Felix throws the water bottle at him.

“Never say anything like that again.”

It takes them a while to get back to home, but when they finally do, Felix feels a lot better about his situation. If Jisung’s words about Changbin having a soft spot for him were true, maybe confessing wouldn’t mean the end. Maybe, just maybe, it would be a beginning.

Felix sleeps that night with a smile on his face.

 

Felix isn’t the most patient of people, which is why it doesn’t take him long to finally corner Changbin in the studio one evening. Jisung’s words of encouragement run through his mind every single time he even looks in the direction of his longtime crush and he feels like the confession is ready to burst out of him any minute.

Changbin is working on a new song, one Felix hasn’t heard of before, even though he’s usually been eager to listen to everything the second Changbin has started working through a song. They haven’t had time for themselves in awhile, and that’s on Felix. Regret blooms inside his chest.

Changbin seems surprised to see him when Felix knocks on the see through glass door of the studio and it aches somewhere around Felix’s heart. He’s missed Changbin, he still does, even with him right there in front of him.

Felix opens the door and drags himself inside the small studio. It’s comfortable and a little bit homey, so it doesn’t surprise Felix at all that Changbin likes to lock himself up inside the room some days.

“Hi,” Felix says as Changbin takes his headphones from his ears and drops them on his neck.

“Hey, what are you doing here? Something wrong?” Changbin questions.

“Just... I gotta talk to you about something. It’s not a big deal or anything, I mean, yeah.”

“Okay.”

Felix hesitates for a minute, before walking to the chair next to Changbin to take a seat. He feels awkward somehow and it’s a development he doesn’t like. With Changbin he used to always feel the most comfortable when the cameras weren’t around. Changbin felt most like home, for some reason, even over Chan.

Now the awkwardness is almost painful.

“I guess I should start with an apology,” Felix says, his gaze on Changbin’s left hand tapping the table next to him. It takes effort for him to finally have the courage to focus his gaze on Changbin’s welcoming eyes instead.

Changbin stays silent. Felix clears his throat. “So I’m sorry, for avoiding you or whatever. I just had some stuff I needed to think over.”

  
“It’s cool, I’ve been really busy anyways.” Changbin answers and Felix can’t do anything except nod silently. God, this is the most awkward conversation he’s ever shared in his life. Was it too late to back out?

“You said you needed to think about something, what was it? Did it have something to do with me?” Changbin’s eyes are so earnest, curious, something Felix always had a hard time looking away from.

The next words that come out of his mouth are hoarse and quiet. “Yeah, I thought about you a lot.”

Changbin’s face flashes with an emotion Felix can’t quite place. Was he...pleased?

“You thought about me for a whole week?” Changbin asks and there’s a bit of color in his voice now, a tiny smile painting his face a prettier picture to look at. Felix almost blushes. Almost.

“No, not like, only you...but yeah. A lot anyway,” Felix answers. He tries not to notice the way Changbin’s leaning a little bit closer to him now. It makes him flustered, despite having spent numerous nights in closer proximities to the older, but the way he’s leaning towards him now has a different kind of energy. Felix resists the urge to shiver.

“What did you think about?”

This is where it gets dangerous, Felix thinks. That one question is about to change their relationship forever. He wonders if Changbin knows this, if he’s asking such a question prepared for a change. Felix considers running, considers lying, considers going mute forever - but he’s not here for that, he’s here to finally set things right. He’s here to have some peace of mind and none of the previous options would help his situation at all.

“I think I like you, hyung,” Felix doesn’t wait for an answer. “Like, as in, more than friends kind of way. I know it’s like, weird or whatever, but I thought you might like me back too. I mean, that’s what Jisung said, and I quote ‘he has a soft spot for you’, yeah that’s what he said. Now, I don’t now for sure if that means you could possibl-,”

“Felix-,” Changbin tries to interrupt, but Felix has lost his off button.

“-ly like me back, or if it’s just a good hyung thing or whatever. But I like really like you, but like I don’t expect anything from you. So, even if this is a confession, you don’t have to accept and I’d totally understand if you didn’t like me back, bu-,”

“Felix, that’s a lot of words. Fast words. Knew there was a rapper in you,” Changbin finally cuts him off.

Felix feels out of breath and, the nerve, the absolute nerve of this guy. Here he’s confessing his heart out, while the other boy ignores everything and focuses on technicalities.

“Binnie,” he whines. “I just told you I like you.”

“I heard you,” Changbin says. Felix blinks. “I like you too, Felix.”

The world spins. Or it’s him, his head wandering through the galaxies and rolling back into earth. Changbin...likes him?

“Y-you, like me?” Felix stutters. Changbin nods. “As in, like me like me?”

Changbin nods again. “Yeah, that way.”

“Wow.”

Suddenly Felix doesn’t know what to say. Changbin liking him back had been a possibility, but actually hearing him say that he liked Felix back? Yeah, that felt more like a dream than reality. Felix would pinch himself, but that would be embarrassing, so he fights against it.

A silence settles between the two, but this time it’s not awkward. It’s peaceful, the kind of comfortable that doesn’t need words. Felix decides it’s a nice thing.

Changbin’s face changes from a smile, his hand slipping from the table to Felix’s chair to bring him closer. The wheels on the chair creak a bit, but then he’s rolled into Changbin’s personal space, their knees touching. Felix almost reels back from surprise, but then Changbin’s hand closes on his thigh.

“What are you doing?” He asks, his fingers gripping the chair with force. Last time he was this nervous it was when he got to know whether he’d debut or not.

Changbin laughs, the fingers on Felix’s thighs squeezing a bit. He squirms. “Stop, I’m ticklish!”

“Sorry,” Changbin says, his mouth curving back into a smile.

They look at each other for awhile, just staring into each other’s eyes, when Changbin’s eyes suddenly drop to his lips. Oh.

“Can I kiss you?” Changbin asks and Felix’s heart leaps out of his chest. He can’t lie, having Changbin’s soft lips on another part of him had been on his mind a lot since the cheek kiss. More specifically, having his lips on top his own.

If Changbin’s giving him an opportunity, he sure as hell isn’t going to waste it. His ‘yes’ is a bit breathy, but seems to do the trick anyway, because then Changbin’s leaning in.

It feels like an eternity has passed when their lips finally connect for the first time. Felix isn’t poetic or good with words like Changbin is, but in that moment, their lips slotting over each other, there’s a feeling in him resembling poetry.

Because Changbin’s lips on him feel a lot like a beginning and Felix? Felix is pretty damn ready to begin.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope u liked it!! comments n kudos r always welcome! 
> 
> i take prompt requests on: [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/eunhagfs) & [curiouscat](http://www.curiouscat.me/eunhagfs)
> 
> hopefully ill see u there <33


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